Not Yet Your Own
by Cyber Rogue
Summary: The revelation was too much for him. His very essence, who he believed he was, no longer mattered. His face was not his own, even his name, the name of Shiro's was not his.


Shiro stared at the ground with wide, unseeing eyes. The cold, unfeeling metal floor stared back up at him, unchanging as his thoughts and mind swirled with the recent revelations. What had sent his mind in a turmoil caused his heart to race as dread filled his stomach.

The past forty-eight hours had been a whirlwind of events. First off, the mission had not gone according to plan, and they lost many fighters as a result. Keith had almost been one of them. Matt had informed Shiro quietly about Keith's near death experience, and how the former Red Paladin had been ready to sacrifice himself to save Voltron and his comrades.

It had been a revelation that caused fear, like a pack of ice, to fill Shiro. To think one of his closest allies, his closest friend, had been so close to death was alarming and truly reminded him of his mortality.

But Keith was not really his freind, right? And his mortality was the least of his worries at the moment.

Shiro squeezed his eyes shut at the painful thought, running his robotic arm through his hair. He stopped and glared at the appendage that was made by Galra hands.

One of the other, most startling events had been Lotor's sudden arrival. It had been Lotor's intervention that had saved Keith, and it was something everyone grudgingly accepted. They had all been cautiously curious about what the exiled prince had to offer.

Shiro just never thought it would be as earth-shattering as he had expected.

It started as a casual comment from Lotor himself about a project. That had led to questions, questions the prince had looked vaguely surprised by. It had almost been like he had not been expecting the Paladins obliviousness.

Lotor had been cunning when he revealed the information he was so clearly pleased to share. Shiro just never thought that those two, simple words would be the end of everything he thought he knew.

"Project: KURON," the prince had said with an easy smile, his gaze locked on Shiro.

With those daming words that the prince had uttered, shocked silence had reigned and all eyes turned to stare at their Black Paladin.

Shiro was a clone.

Shiro was not even his name. He was not really Shiro. He was a copy of the real Shiro. The real Shiro was probably being held prisoner somewhere, being tortured and experimented on in some unknown location.

What hurt more than the information was that he was not himself. He was living someone else's life.

No one should be told that they are not who they think they are. No one should call into question their identity.

Yet here he was, not even sure what his own memories were.

Now, alone in his room, a room that was not even his, his thoughts and despair screamed the loudest. He put his face in his hands, clenching his teeth. But they really weren't his memories, weren't they? They were Shiro's. He was just stealing them to put up a facade he did not know he had been playing. His own thoughts and actions were influenced by another. They were not his own.

But those memories! He had them all! He knew Keith from during the Garrison. He even remembered the Garrison, and Matt Holt and his father. He remembered Pidge and that fleeting thought all those months ago when he had thought how similar she and her brother looked.

He remembered the exact same shock when he and the others found the Blue Lion. He remembered when the Black Lion and touched his mind and bonded with him for the first time.

Except that was all they were. Memories. He had not actually lived them, he had not experienced them. He was just an invader who was stealing something sacred.

The cold feel of the metal in his hand caused him to look up and glare at it. He could dimly see his reflection, a blurry haze.

Just as it out to be. It was not his face, but someone else's. The scar, the hair, the eyes, it was all fake.

It was Shiro's eyes that stared back at him, a name he had no right to use.

With an enraged, pained cry, he flung himself from the bed and punched at the wall, feeling all his anger and despair burst out. He panted as he stared at the damage in the wall he had done, pulling his arm back before lashing out once more.

Who was he? Was he some tool? Some being that would be used and thrown away? He was not himself. He did not even know what he was anymore. Was he even human? Was he less than an animal?

He let out a choked scream as he wrenched at his own robotic arm. The Galra had done this to him! They had taken his arm, tried to turn him into a monster! And then they took him and made him something else. He was not his own being anymore, he had no memories to call his own, no name and no family.

He was a fraud, a fake meant to deceive everyone, even himself.

He crumbled to the floor in defeat, his undamaged arm hanging limply at his side. He let out a shaky breath, feeling his despair flood over him with such a crushing blow.

The sound of his door being opened did not even cause him to look up, not even the sounds of the footsteps.

"Hey," a sudden, familiar voice said.

No, not familiar. He had no right to these memories.

He looked up to see the young man standing before him. He nodded, making an effort to straighten up. "Keith," he said, his voice hoarse. He coughed, hoping to clear his throat.

The former Red Paladin stood in front of him with uncertainty. Something unreadable flashed in those purple eyes that were so unique, and he hated to think of it as pity.

This was typical of Keith, to take action before thinking everything through. There were countless times when Keith had gotten into trouble for that. Lance was right, Keith really was a hot head-

No, don't think that. Those were not even his memories. Those were Shiro's, the real Shiro's. The one who truly mattered to the team, the one who united them all together.

He squeezed his eyes shut. It had been Shiro who united them together, and it had been he who had driven them apart.

"I'm sorry," he said.

Keith looked at him his gaze intense. "For?"

He gestured all around him. Even his words failed him. "For...all of this."

Keith shrugged. "Eh, the wall can be easily prepared and we-" He broke off suddenly when he saw the look he was getting. "Oh, you didn't mean the wall, did you?" He scuffed his foot as he stuck his hand in his pockets. "I uh, yeah. It was a shock for all of us."

"Shock for me," he muttered.

Keith nodded. "Yeah."

He looked at Keith with a small frown, his heart clenching. "What are you going to do?"

Keith stared back at him. "What is there to do?"

He leaned his head up against the wall. "I do not know," he confessed. "I am hardly in any position to give you advice." He snorted. "I have all these memories, all of it, and it's not even real. None of it is."

"What of the bond?" Keith asked suddenly. "The bond between you and the Black Lion? The Black Lion still reached out to you. It still opened up and allowed you to pilot it."

"Because you were all in danger," he answered. "The Black Lion knew that."

Keith shook his head. "It takes more than that." He hesitantly sat down, his manner stiff, as if he was measuring his next course of action. "Remember when Alura said that the Lions bond with those who are worthy? The Black Lion would not have allowed you to pilot it unless you were worthy enough."

He looked at Keith, eyes narrowed. "You cannot obviously be thinking of letting me go!"

Keith's eyes also narrowed. "And where would we let you go? Why would we even let you go? You're a part of the team as-"

"But I was created by the Galra!" he nearly shouted, cutting Keith off. He was standing up and towering over the younger boy, his hands balled into fists. All his fears, frustrations and uncertainties were lashing out, seizing his body and taking control.

He suddenly felt limp, and he staggered back and away from Keith, who also relaxed. His eyes flickered over just in time to see Keith's hand relax around the hilt of his dagger.

His chest constricted with pain as a feeling of betrayal shot through him, yet he accepted Keith's reaction to the sudden hostility. "You are right to be wary," he said, his voice worn. "I could have only been created by the Galra for one purpose. Trust given to me will be destroyed, as everything the Galra makes does."

"And I am half Galra," Keith said, his voice quiet. "Yet…" He looked down. "What does that make me?" Keith looked at him with dark eyes. "A traitor? Someone who cannot be trusted?"

He looked at the younger man. "Yet you have proven yourself. You have...you have done so much for the team. I came to you all as a fraud! As someone you all eagerly trusted because of the face I wore."

Keith snorted. "Honestly, I trust you more then Lotor."

He could only stare at Keith before he sagged against the wall before sinking back down to the ground. He covered his face with his hands, a tired sigh escaping him.

Keith stared at him and hesitated, biting his lip. "When Lotor first...informed us of...everything, I was angry and shocked. My first thoughts were of...Shiro. I had been so relieved when we found you. It meant that you...Shiro...was safe and back with us. It meant things would go back to normal in this chaotic world." He shook his head. "But nothing can be normal now."

He looked at Keith, watching how the boy was now staring intently at his shoes. His knee bounced with barely concealed nervousness, and it struck him as odd that he could spot such things. Maybe Shiro, the man whom he was pretending to be, knew Keith that well. Such a bond, a friendship marveled him. "What made you change your mind?" he asked finally.

"To be honest," Keith said. "It was the Black Lion. Having been bonded to it for a short time, I know it makes the right choices, and the Black Lion trusts you." He shrugged. "That's good enough for me."

"But it's all fake," he protested. "The bond, the memories, everything is all fake."

"The memories that were Shiro's are fake," Keith answered. "But the memories you've had with us when we found you, those are all yours." He smiled softly. "Build your foundation on that. Become your own person. Someone else entirely. Someone we can trust."

He stared at Keith, his heart, his entire being, an open, gaping wound. "How can you...how can you trust me?"

Keith rose up to his full height, and he could see the fiery spirit of the Red Lion pulsing inside of him. It did not matter that this boy, this young man, had been a Black Paladin, or a member of the Mamora; he still possessed the bond of the Red Lion, he still lived and breathed as the Red Paladin.

And right now, he was a firm force to be reckoned with.

"Because you have not failed us," Keith said, his voice slowly rising in volume. "Because you were a victim of the Galra, just as we all are. Despite it all, you have still pulled through and led us in this battle."

"I drove you away!" he shouted. "You were meant to be the Black Paladin, and I took it away from you!"

"Shiro wanted me to be the Black Paladin. _You_ forced me to come to terms with what I needed to do!" Keith shouted back. He looked away with a tight frown. "You leaped into action and pulled through for the team when I could not. You stepped in and did what I was incapable of doing, and you did it without hesitation." Keith looked back up at him. "You succeeded when I failed."

"That's what makes us a team," he said automatically, and just as he said them, he wished he could take them back. Those were most certainly not his own words, but Shiro's.

Keith pointed at him. "Exactly. You functioned with us as a team."

"Only because it was what Shiro would do," he protested.

Here, Keith hesitated. Finally, he sighed. "Yes, it probably is what he would do. It's what we would all do. Yet our approaches are different." Keith looked at him. "How will you approach this now?"

He blinked, the question catching him by surprise. "What?"

"Will you sit back and fall apart?" Keith asked. "Or will you continue to pull through, and function with us as a team?" His eyes were searching, open for an answer.

He looked down, swallowing. "I...I don't even know what is real anymore." He clutched his hair. "It is like I will never be rid of Zarkon inside my head."

Keith approached him hesitantly, hand reached out to touch his shoulder. He pulled back just as quickly, his touch nothing but a brush. "That is why we are fighting, and we need all the trustworthy allies we can get." Keith stepped back, hands stuffed in his pockets as he turned away. "You...you still have my trust. You still have all of our trusts."

He watched as Keith walked towards the door, and for the first time, he noticed how young Keith really was. But he was not just young, he was worn out. This war that they had been thrust into had turned all of their worlds upside down. Revelations were made, lives were lost, families were torn apart and made whole again. Now, they did not know who to trust, as they had found out that the leader they had assumed they had saved was in fact a fake.

He clenched his fists. "Keith," he called out, causing the former Paladin to turn and look at him. "We will get him back," he said firmly, holding his clenched fist to his heart in a promise. "I will put all I have, all of my effort, into bringing Shiro back."

A ghost of a smile touched Keith's lips. "We all will," Keith said with a nod. "Anther ally that we can trust is a success Shiro will gladly accept."

He just wondered how Shiro would feel coming face to face with his own clone. From the thoughtful look on Keith's face, it was obvious he was thinking the same thing. He looked down, blinking thoughtfully. "What should I be called?" he asked, causing Keith to blink in surprise. "When we rescue Shiro," he clarified when he saw Keith's confusion. "What should I be called?"

Keith tilted his head for a moment before he smiled. "There was a time when we went into an alternate reality. We ran into another Shiro, although he had a weird accent and stuff." he shook his head. "Anyway, his name was Sven." He looked up with a shrug. "Just...just something to think about."

He tested the name out in his mind. He ran his hands through his hair, another sigh escaping him.

A new name, it meant starting over, it meant owning something that was finally his own.

He could start over. He could become someone else, someone trustworthy and with his own life.

He looked back at Keith who was observing him thoughtfully. "Sven," he repeated. "An interesting name."

Keith finally smiled. "An interesting name for an interesting person."

He smiled back before looking down. "Are they…?"

"No, they're not hovering around looking for you," Keith said with a grin. "Though everyone is eager to see you." He stepped back awkwardly and out of the room. "Take your time though. We understand."

Sven smiled at him gratefully. "Thank you, Keith. Thank you." His head was a little clearer, the panic was subsided, but it was still there. Confusion was still roaming around inside of him, and he wanted to have time to make sense of everything before he faced everyone else.

But he would not take much time for himself. There was a war to win, and every minute they stole counted. He may not be their true leader, but he was still a soldier who was determined to do what was right and bring Zarkon down.

Keith smiled back. "Welcome to the team, Sven." With that, he stepped away and allowed the door to close.

As Keith walked away, his shoulders slumped as his thoughts swarmed the former Red Paladin. He bit his lip, hands clenched in his pockets as he walked down the hallway.

So the clone had chosen a name. That in itself was good, and it was a small, baby step to make sense in all of this confusion. Ironic that it was 'Sven.' yet it made sense in a strange way.

Keith had not wanted to tell this clone, Sven, that he had seen the same lost and confused look that Shiro had worn when they had rescued him back on Earth. It had taken him by surprise when he had caught sight of him, and he had momentarily been at a loss for words.

Yet as he had said before, Keith trusted the Black Lion's judgment, and Sven had earned its trust. That had almost been enough for Keith.

But there had been another reason Keith had been so willing to trust Sven, another reason that he had not voiced. Keith had not wanted to tell him, that despite the fact that Sven was not Shiro, Keith wasn't ready to let go of their only hope of finding him.


End file.
